Saturday Night Live Feverish

By Blake Townsley

Howdy folks, and welcome back to Friday. Sure has been a rough couple of weeks for celebrities, huh? In the last two weeks we’ve lost Gary Coleman, Rue McClanahan, Dennis Hopper and Ronnie James Dio. It’s been quite a shakeup in the standings of my annual celebrity death pool. If John Wooden passes this week, we’ll have had two new leaders in two weeks with a little more than a month to go. I’m starting to consider the legal ramifications of driving a truckload of cocaine out to Lohan’s house in LA.  

But I’m not here to talk to you about the sadness of those recently passed. I want to talk about an entertainer on life support, one potentially in need of a Do Not Resuscitate order, Saturday Night Live.  

At first blush, putting Saturday Night Live out of its misery seems like an unthinkable idea. The show has been declared dead and come blazing back more times than Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhies and Michael Myers put together. It’s survived hundreds of critical suggestions that the show has outlived its usefulness, and casts that made no one laugh. And despite a season that made it harder to defend than at any time in recent memory, the fact remains that the show still has the potential to be a cornerstone of the cultural landscape. You only have to look back as far as the 2008-2009 season to find a time when people were buzzing about the Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin sketches that opened seemingly every single week’s show. 

 So what’s wrong with the show? The current cast is as talented as any to have graced the stage in several decades. I can’t think of a current regular on the show that I dislike for any reason, unlike any year that Chris Parnell was dragging down sketches with Horatio Sanz, Will Ferrell, and Amy Poehler. Even the featured players are excellent, with pretty much all of them slated for regular status down the road. My only exception to that? Nasim Pedrad, for reasons we’ll get to in a moment.  

Some have argued that the lack of female regular cast members is the leading cause of the season-long epidemic of unfunny episodes. Certainly the Betty White show seemed to lend credence to this theory, as regular female cast members from the show’s recent past showed up to ease the burden of hosting on Ms. White. No less an authority than Seth Meyers tweeted that the show could easily have gone two hours with all the funny sketches they cut, pointing his followers to Hulu, where the dress rehearsal versions of those sketches could be seen. While it’s true that Kristen Wiig is doing the lion’s share of regular sketches for female characters on the show, and I really really miss Amy Poehler’s razor sarcasm on Weekend Update, I don’t know that the lack of female performers is to blame for the weak showing. Abby Elliott and Jenny Slate were both featured pretty regularly this season, and were really funny. Hell, even Bobby Moynihan is hilarious dressed up like an Oompa Loompa version of Snooki on Weekend Update.  

I think the problem stems from something a little simpler, and at the same time perhaps more difficult to fix. It seemed to me that the writers on the show were suffering from a massive case of writer’s block. Perhaps a better way to phrase it is “lack of inspiration.” The 2008-2009 shows were great because Sarah Palin provided an easy target for mockery, and the confluence with Tina Fey’s slightly exaggerated, hilarious impression made it easy for the writers to deliver memorably funny lines. The Betty White show gave the writers a chance to revisit famous sketches from seasons past, sketches in which the joke structure was well known and easy to repeat.  

But the election ended, and Palin temporarily faded into the background, the show lost much of its topical bite, and all those former female cast members went back to their regular jobs. The writers were once again on their own to come up with the funny. Let’s face it, there hasn’t been much that’s been funny over the past eighteen months. Whether it’s the BP Spill, or the lunatic rise of the Tea Party to national prominence, or the inability of the government to shit or get off the pot with regard to healthcare, the American landscape hasn’t seemed particularly joke-worthy. But Saturday Night live has found the dark humor in situations like that before, and handled them with caustic wit and a weird grace.  

It seems like this time the will to fight has gone out of them. Instead of ridiculing our lovely members of Congress for taking twelve months to debate healthcare for their constituents while the economy lagged and people struggled to make ends meet, Saturday Night Live did jokes about teens with weird crushes on their suburban parents, and got January Jones and Megan Fox to try and host their way out of the cardboard boxes they seem to be made from. Rather than focus on finding the hottest hosts possible, maybe you should try actually being funny about current events. It is your bread and butter after all. 

So while I’m confident the show can recover, and even faster if it decides to regain its bite on current events, I’d like to offer one other piece of advice to the show. You need to bring back Michaela Watkins immediately, if not sooner. She was unceremoniously dumped from the show when Lorne Michaels decided that she was too old to do well with the show’s younger viewers, aka “not pretty enough” disease. While I’m up for debating the level of Ms. Watkins’ beauty with Lorne any time, the fact of the matter is that she is far more hilarious than her replacement, Nasim Pedrad. I can’t think of one single thing Ms. Pedrad did this season that didn’t make me cringe in embarrassment for her and the show. As one of Michaela’s Weekend Update characters might say, biiiiiiiiitch pleeeeeze. There’s some bad karma going on over at Studio 8H, and it’s due to Lorne’s horrible decision to fire Michaela Watkins. Do the right thing, Lorne.  

But if you won’t do that, at least lead off every show with What Up With That? Jason Sudeikis kills me in that sketch every time. Until next week, kids, take care of your favorite celebrities. I think someone’s hunting them, and I’m afraid Keith Richards is next.

(Credits: Image by dno1967)

MACGRUBER!

By Blake Townsley

Howdy folks, and welcome to the Friday pop culture roundup. This week, I’m here to talk about my favorite movie of 2010. Or at least, I’m assuming it will be once I actually see it. You see, I’ve totally bought in to the MacGruber hype. For the first time in my life, I believe everything being said by people who are handsomely rewarded when the movie does well: writers, producers, actors, and Jimmy Fallon. I read the marketing blurbs and I totally abandon my normal, overly critical take on marketing blurbs. Roger Ebert vaguely complains on Twitter that critics aren’t being allowed to see the movie until the night before it releases, and I don’t stop to wonder why. 

Until I recently stopped to wonder why.  

I was having lunch with a friend earlier this week, one with whom I’ve seen possibly hundreds of movies with in the past six years. I excitedly asked her if she wanted to see MacGruber with me this weekend, expecting her enthusiasm to not quite match mine, but to exist in detectable amounts.  

“Nope, not interested.”

Umm, what? This was the woman who forced me to pay to see Saw, the most laughably-acted movie of the decade, infamous for being the film that caused us to enact a movie-going quid pro quo. The deal allows each of us to pick one or two movies a year that the other one has to go see, no questions asked. That’s how I ended up seeing It’s Complicated in the theater, and she ended up seeing A Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. 

So in that moment at lunch, I thought about cashing in my first Saw card of 2010. But before I did, I got mad that she wasn’t into seeing it. I mean, it looks hilarious right?

“I don’t know, it’s a Saturday Night Live movie. It doesn’t look funny. At all.”

I gotta tell you, it really took the wind out of my sails. I mean, sure, MacGruber wasn’t the most intellectual sketch of all-time, but neither was Wayne’s World. I don’t know how popular it really is among the masses, but the fake theme song (MACGRUBER!!!) and writing always made me laugh, especially when they brought in the inspiration, Richard Dean Anderson, to play MacGruber’s dad on an episode of Saturday Night Live earlier this season. 

But a couple things have started to make me nervous. First, the dreaded tag of “Saturday Night Live Movie.” For every Wayne’s World or Blues Brothers, there’s ten movies like Superstar, Blues Brothers 2000, A Night At The Roxbury, The Ladies’ Man, etc. The good people over at SNL aren’t knocking ‘em out of the ballpark. Secondly, the fact that professional reviewers haven’t exactly been granted full access to the movie ahead of time scares me just a bit. It reeks just a tiny bit of desperation for a big opening weekend before anyone finds out how bad the movie really is. It’s one thing to hear that Roger Ebert likes the movie, quite another to find out that some random blogger on the Internet was amused by it. I know for a fact those guys and gals are mostly unreliable consumers of pop culture with weird, nerdy taste in movies, music and tv shows. 

So what’s the plan here, you ask? Like Winston Churchill would have wanted, I’m going to press ahead despite my uncertainty. I may be going alone to the theater, but that just means I get to tell all my friends about what an awesome movie they’ve missed. And it means I get to use the first Saw card of the year on Tron: Legacy. 

Until next week, y’all, have a great weekend!

(Credits: Image by Focal Intent)

When Heidi Montag Beats Lindsay Lohan

By Blake Townsely 

Howdy folks, and welcome back to another edition of the Pickv pop culture corner.  This week at Pickv a theme developed among the bloggers, albeit not necessarily on purpose. In addition to some great advice from Magic and Samantha on how best to behave, Scherry and Damon had some excellent tips on things you should avoid in your dating life. So continuing with the advice-on-behavior theme of the week, I’m here with some more advice for a very specific person, one who’s been in the tabloids a LOT this week, Miss Lindsay Dee Lohan. 

If y’all have been paying attention as closely as I do, it’s been quite the week for our ginger friend. Her dad showed up at her place with the cops in tow threatening a Spearsian conservatorship, which led to a bitchy exchange of commentary on Twitter, and an utter lack of follow through by her famewhoring (and let’s face it, also a bit of regular whoring) dad. Lindsay’s mom, Dina, arrived in LA to make sure her little moneymaking trainwreck attended a court hearing after missing the first two, knowing that a third absence would mean an automatic judgment against Lilo and an end to the halcyon days of that sweet, sweet Disney money. Good news, right? You would guess those are the actions of a responsible mother making sure her offspring behaves in a socially acceptable manner, huh?

Wrong. 

Lindsay and her mom were spotted drinking at an LA club until two in the morning the night before the hearing was supposed to start. I’m guessing Dina didn’t pick up the tab. While some progress was made in that Lilo actually showed up for this one, I’m not exactly impressed since the heavy odds are that she’s going to lose the case even if she shows up for every hearing. Hell, she could go dressed as a nun with Michelle Obama, Oprah and a miraculously-recovered Bret Michaels in tow and I’d still bet against her winning this case, even if the judge was a Democratic book-club member with a fondness for the upbeat message of Unskinny Bop. 

I’m actually hoping Lindsay does lose the case, since I think it’ll be fascinating to see how she’d pay off a civil judgment of any significant size. If the rumors can be believed, Lindsay’s racked up credit card debt in the six figures, which is never a good sign when your last project was a straight-to-TV movie for Lifetime. Appearance fees for her aren’t exactly rolling in since word got around about what a pain in the ass she is to work with. I’m guessing the residuals from Mean Girls and The Parent Trap ain’t what they used to be either. It’s gotta be awkward for Disney and the TV networks to screen those for the public, since it’s impossible to watch one of her movies and not see today’s spoiled Hollywood brat with a Kirstie Alley-sized sense of entitlement and a problem holding her liquor. It just absolutely ruins Herbie Fully Loaded for me every time I pop in the DVD. 

So at this point you might ask, gee Blake, is there any good news for Lindsay on the horizon? Your answer? Of course there is! An actress as talented as Lilo surely won’t go unemployed for long! Her IMDB page looks to have a steady amount of work on it over the past few years! She was on Ugly Betty! And the good news is this, kids. Lindsay did announce a new role this week. She’s gonna play porn star Linda Lovelace in a friend’s indie movie about the making of Deep Throat. 

The bad news is this: I’d bet this week’s paycheck that there is no way this movie ever sees the light of day. Between the lack of studio backing and the fact that Lindsay’s track record for recent projects is less than stellar, I’m guessing this is another publicity stunt designed to convince her creditors to back off for another couple of weeks. 

At this point, I think Lindsay would probably be better off actually doing porn. At least she could command a tremendous sum of money for very little time out of her partying schedule. Hell, a Playboy shoot alone would probably net her somewhere in the high six figures. Somebody’s gotta pay those bills, and there’s no way in hell she’s getting a real acting job until she hits rock bottom and cleans herself up. 

You know what the sad thing is? I’m not really serious about suggesting Lindsay pose naked, but it certainly feels like it’s headed that way doesn’t it? I mean, even Heidi Montag, that brainless, vacuous dolt, has a more credible career at this point. Come on, Lohan! Did you see what I just wrote?! Heidi Montag is beating you in the game of life! Pull yourself together! Prior to your decision that the world exists to serve at your whim, your acting ability garnered the highest praise from Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep thinks that at one point you were in command of the art form of acting! Stop wasting your talent! 

Unfortunately, I don’t think Lindsay has the self-awareness to realize anything is wrong. She was quoted a few years ago as saying that she wants to end up like Marilyn Monroe, an icon who died before her time. It was this sort of idiotic thinking that caused me to use a very high selection on Lindsay in my annual friends-and-family celebrity death pool. At the time I congratulated myself on a savvy pick, but now it just feels dirty, and this is coming from the guy who picked Patrick Swayze with no remorse whatsoever. 

So what’s the takeaway here, loyal readers? Lesson number one, don’t do cocaine. There’s a reason Rick James couldn’t handle it, and if Rick James can’t believe how destructive it is, just shout “Amen!” and move on. Lesson number two, if you happen to run into Lindsay on the street or at a bar, give her a hug from me and tell her it doesn’t have to be like this. Then knock her down, take her cocaine and run for all you’re worth, for you will have awakened the fury of hell and she will chase you to the ends of the block to enact vengeance. If you can get Ali out of there to a shelter of some sort in the process, so much the better.  Lesson number three, don’t mess with me in a celebrity death pool, for I have no conscience whatsoever, and I really like winning stuff. 

Until next week, folks. Have a good one. 

(Credits: Image by Hot Rod Homepage)