Are Women Who F*ck on the First Date Slutty?

By Jackie Summers

Before I respond to the question du jour, let me make this perfectly
clear: I am not pro-feminist. I’m anti-bullshit, which in my mind
means requiring adults of both genders to own responsibility for their
behavior, sexual and otherwise. 

As I’ve already devoted at least a thousand words to the question of
whether women who fuck on the first date are sluts, this time around
I’ve decided to augment my theories with the use of pictures. Using
the most advanced tools available I’ve compiled the following
absolutely scientific data.

Exhibit A: Are Women Who Fuck on the First Date Sluts?

The answer is: sometimes. Let’s do the math: some women have sex on
the first date. Some women are sluts. Technically that means some
women who have sex on the first date are sluts. Choosing to act on
sexual chemistry instead of postponing overpowering desire doesn’t
constitute promiscuity. If you weren’t a slut before you got down and
dirty the first night, you won’t wake up magically transformed into a
woman of ill repute the next morning.

You have to say the things and do the things that really matter to you
today without hesitation, because you don’t know if you’re going to
get another chance. Sometimes, tomorrow never comes. At the same time,
you have to live with the awareness that every stone thrown into a
pond sends ripples across the surface, and every choice you make today
reverberates into your future. If you don’t want to deal with the
repercussions of your actions tomorrow, you should consider the
consequences of your decisions today carefully.

So why does this antiquated notion that women who “put out” are easy, persist?

Exhibit B: Society and The Double Standard

Most men will not pass up the opportunity for sex on the first date. Or the second. Or ever. Some people however, are judgmental assholes. If a man stigmatizes you because you are sexually attracted enough to sleep with him, or is
narcissistic enough to believe a woman doesn’t have the same sexual
needs-slash-desires as he has, this man is a hypocrite.

The invasive nature of the sexual act means that men and women have
different reactions to the aftermath. When to have sex for the first
time is a tricky question. Some (but not all) of the many factors that
go into this equation are: How long have you known this person? Are
you looking for a serious relationship or a fling? Are you both
emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of entering a
sexual relationship? Do you feel safe, desired, respected, and will
you continue to, post coitus?

This complex set of variables forms a unique fingerprint for every
couple; hard, fast rules don’t apply. The best sex is based on
connection, and that which is worth having is worth waiting for. If
that determination can be made within hours instead of weeks, both
parties should feel free to indulge, with no guilt or loss of respect.
Know what you’re getting into and who you’re getting into it with,
feel the flow of energy, and go with it.

Exhibit C: Does Having Sex on the First Date Disqualify Me for a
Serious Relationship?

Of the healthy adults who maintain an active sex life, only a fraction
manage to do this inside the boundaries of a happy monogamous
relationship. If you are lucky enough to find yourself in one of these, it probably has very little to do with early intimacy and everything to do with
chemistry, hard work, and commitment.

There’s a growing camp that believes that making a man wait for sex—be
it ninety days or a predetermined number of dates—increases your
chances of landing a mate. I would have done a venn-diagram
representing these people, except it would have been a single circle
with the word ‘delusional’ in the center. Grown ass folks, fuck. If
you’re intent on you enforcing a coochie embargo in the (vain) hopes
you’ll be taken more seriously, you’d best make peace with the reality
that your prospective partner is probably indulging in adult behavior with someone else in the meantime. If you’re not fucking him, somebody else is (see
exhibit A).

Waiting to ensure chemistry and allowing tension to develop naturally
is a wondrous thing. It is also no guarantee the sex will be good. Few
things are more disheartening than spending time and energy in an
individual, only to discover you’re sexually incompatible after you’re
 emotionally invested.

This I know from experience.

Just because we don’t live in an ideal world doesn’t mean we should
abandon our ideals. Sluts, judgmental assholes, hypocrites and
delusional people have existed since the dawn of time, and don’t seem
to be vanishing. Try not to have sex with them, and more importantly,
don’t allow their view of you to color your view of yourself. After
all, what is the real reason women get called sluts in the first place?

Exhibit D: