5 Steps to Dating Like a SuperWoman

By Jackie Summers

You’re intelligent. You’re ambitious. You combine charisma and character, and command respect, all in your four inch stilettos. You can deflect BS off your magic bracelets, leap tall douche-bags in a single bound, and never lose your femininity. You’re a SuperWoman, you’re spectacular, and you’re single.

Okay, maybe that part about the magic bracelets only really exists in the comics. But just because you don’t have super powers doesn’t mean you can’t date like a hero. Here are five steps to help you date like a SuperWoman; mere mortals, please shield your eyes. 

Never Go Shopping When You’re Hungry
If you shop for food when you’re stomach is rumbling, everything in the supermarket looks good. Everything is appetizing when you’re dying of starvation.  If you’re hungry enough, you will eat  junk; things that are entirely devoid of nutritional content. Dating is similar, in that when you’re unhappy with who you are, you’re more likely to date junk, and conduct entire relationships that are devoid of emotional content. We all make better decisions about who to love when we aren’t starved for affection. Liking yourself is the start to being liked by someone, and being happy with who you are is the only way to become part of a happy couple. So before you go love someone else, fill up on love for yourself!

Pick Strawberries
It’s important to live and love with as little fear as possible. Life is short, and often painful.  You can’t predict the future and you can’t change the past. Try not to allow past pain or future uncertainty to keep you from enjoying the present.  Ideal circumstances rarely happen to people, but ideal people can happen to circumstances. Say and do the things that really matter to you today without hesitation, because you never know if you’re going to get another chance.  Your life is now. When strawberries present themselves, pick them.

Recognize Your Teachers
The Universe has a twisted sense of humor. Whatever blessing you ask of it, it will present you with the appropriate tools needed to develop in you the qualities you require to attain that which you seek.  Ask for love and The Universe will laugh, and whisper ‘Are you ready?’, knowing full well that you are not. It will scrape away your preconceptions, strip you down to your bare essence, and then it will point, and laugh.  The Universe wants you to become an individual worthy of it’s greatest gifts, so it will send you teachers. When relationships don’t work out, try to learn the lessons well enough not to repeat your mistakes, and then forget it all just enough to be open to making new mistakes. Remember, the Universe is preparing you to be part of something delicious.

Don’t Settle For Less than You Deserve
You accept only the highest standards for your job, your friends, your home. Why enforce a lower standard for your love life? Not everyone can afford a BMW, and not every man can be with you.  Be reasonable, be realistic, but never underestimate your intrinsic worth. The second you settle for less than you deserve, you deserve what you settled for.

Great Sex Reinforces Love
Great sex is to a relationship as oxygen is to air, in that it is a necessary, but not dominant component. Prolonged exposure to pure oxygen causes brain damage, but deprive the body of oxygen for even a few minutes and you’d die. Similarly, a relationship comprised of nothing but sex is ultimately toxic, but without it, relationships lose their fire and begin to die. Sexual chemistry is a powerful thing, so try to only form those kinds of bonds with someone you genuinely care for. The best sex in the world will isn’t reason enough to become romantically involved with someone who’s not right for you. Remember, it’s not what’s between your legs, it’s what’s between your ears.

F&$# the “Should”

By Samantha Scholfield 

Our very own brilliant Damon Brown wrote a fantastic post last week  about not being pressured into thinking your sex life should be something, when if it makes you and your partner happy it’s great as is. I’m going to continue on that same theme and argue that the same theory applies to dating. 
There’s so much “should” propaganda out there telling us that our dating lives should be these raging, always exciting, non-stop, somewhat drama-filled roller-coasters of emotion. It comes from ads, movies, celebrities, and closer to home, from our friends, families and occasionally the barista who makes our lattes in the morning. We end up feeling like we “should” be  going out more, sending more emails to hot people in our online dating forays, or making more of an effort to get set up by friends. We feel like we “should” be in a relationship when we’re not or either getting out of one or pushing it to the next level if we’re in one.  And when we start getting into our late twenties and early thirties, the pressure to not only date someone seriously but get married, find the white picket fence and have babies starts coming from our families, and also from random acquaintances at weddings, coffee shops and well-meaning co-workers. The pressure never lets up. 

I say f&$# the pressure. 

If your dating life is making you happy, ignore the gentle but relentless pushing to do whatever it is that friends, family and the big ad agencies think you should be doing. If you’re happy on your own right now, own it. If you’re happy with the 15 dates you aim for each week, rock it. If your plan for no kids/no wedding is right for you, ignore the nay-sayers and follow your dreams. 

The only reason to change it up is if you’re not happy and/or you’re not meeting your personal dating/relationship goals. If this is the case, all you have to do to find that happiness is to make the changes necessary to meet those goals and get where you want to go. Although that’s kind of a “duh” statement, it can be easy to forget how simple it is to make changes for the better. We forget because sometimes it’s easier to keep doing the same thing because it’s familiar, even if we think we might be happier doing something else. Or we rule out the possibility of owning our lives and making changes because we’re scared of the unknown. The courage to make those changes is what makes us strong and grows us as people. Making changes because it’s what YOU want — and not what someone else told you to do — is extremely powerful. 

For example, if you’re in a relationship that’s sucking your soul, get out of it and focus on you for a while. If you’re single and don’t want to be, get yourself involved in classes or with groups of people that enjoy the same things you do (the more co-ed, the better). Then, you’ll be enriching your own life and at the same time, meeting new people you already have something in common with (and if it doesn’t work with them, they all have friends who have friends who are probably awesome). 

In short, f&$# the “should” and focus on doing what’s right for you. Your dating life is YOUR dating life — it should reflect what you want. 

Yours in damning the man, S

(Credits: Image by kevindooley)

Vanilla Is Still Tasty

By Damon Brown

Stop me if you’ve heard these before: “I can go on for days, baby”; “I’m going to rock your world”; “I know stuff you will *not* believe!” and, well, you get the picture. Pick-up lines are an art in themselves, ideally getting someone we want in the sack through voracious advertisement and, well, maybe a little embellishment. There is another reason why we use exaggerated sex talk, too: 

We are afraid of people believing we have an “average” sex life. It is considered a FAIL. 

Bragging about sexual prowess and kinky experiences can be part of the mating game, the equivalent to preening the peacock feathers or showing off the lion’s mane. You connect with the right person and, hey, you’re on the way to the bedroom. The challenge is when the rubber meets the road, so to speak:

*He didn’t do any of the shit he was bragging about. Bo-ring!

*She wouldn’t do that in bed. Can you believe that?

*Wow, that wasn’t what I expected.

It all comes down to one thing: False advertising. 

Don’t get me wrong – to paraphrase a sex axiom, everybody has their kink. You might like Catholic school uniforms, have a thing for redheads or really get turned on by plaid socks. You might like giving blow jobs more than intercourse, taking your partner to a strip club or masturbating in the bathroom. These might sound “kinky”, but you know the funny part? I’ve found that we more readily will share our darkest fantasy than - gulp - be looked at as conventional.

You like missionary position on a back-supportive bed? Go get that. You only want to have intercourse in a committed relationship? Keep your sexy ass celibate. You prefer partners with average builds? Enjoy your type.

There are billions of vanilla-loving adults out there getting better sex than most of us. Why? They are saying exactly what they want and going after exactly whom they want - and getting it on the regular.

(Credits: Image by permanently scatterbrained)

When Your Crush is a Co-Worker

By Samantha Scholfield

If falling for a friend is complicated, falling for a co-worker is a step beyond that, with the if-it-doesn’t-work-out repercussions ranging from awkward staff meetings to losing your job. We can choose when to see friends, but you can’t choose when to see co-workers. They’re just there. Everyday. But, if the risk is worth it to you (in other words, this person is THE person for you), here are some pointers for making your co-worker crush into your next hot date. 

The most important thing to remember is to maintain professionalism at all times while in the office, which means no obvious flirting when you’re debugging Excel spreadsheets together. If things go south, the HR department will look much more kindly on your situation if it’s obvious your work hasn’t been affected by your romantic trysts (especially if your co-worker crush falls under the no-fraternization policy).  

Your goal is to turn your co-worker crush into a friend first, then into a date. To start, institute time spent hanging out with them outside of work. Put together an informal office happy-hour and make sure to invite them, or throw a party and invite some co-workers (including, but not limited to your crush). While there, get to know them as a person (versus as just your co-worker) and develop a friendship. Don’t be too pushy — your goal at this point is to get them comfortable with the idea of you as a friend, and not just that guy who sits two cubicles down from them.  

Once your friendship outside the office is established, invite them to be your “plus one” to an event you need (or want) to attend. Very similar to last week’s post “Escaping the Friend Zone” , by putting them in a position of doing you a favor (i.e. being your plus one to your friend’s band’s back room bar concert), it takes the pressure off your first one-on-one outing being a date. This is good, because you absolutely don’t want to force them into making a decision about you before they’re ready. Even though at this point they’ll have figured out you have a crush on them, because your non-date date suggestion of being your “plus one” is pretty low-key on the date scale, they’ll feel comfortable deciding at their leisure whether or not to pursue anything with you. 

If nothing happens to indicate where they stand after a couple more one-one-ones, it’s fine to make a move and let them know definitively that you’re interested. Most likely, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly during that first one-on-one whether or not they’re interested in being more than your coffee buddy at work. 

If they decide that they’re not into you “like that”, even more important than with a friend is the need to maintain maturity. You have to work with this person everyday, so keep the emotions in check and be mature in your reaction. Something like, “I think you’re great, but completely respect your feelings about us, so consider it dropped. Friends?” is perfect. Then, be completely normal and friendly when you see them at work, and they’ll respect you very much for being cool about the situation instead of freaking out and making things weird.  

Yours in professional crushing, S

(Credits: Images by viralbus)

How To Kiss the First Time You Meet a Girl

By Magic

Most men are unsure how to initiate the first kiss. Before you can kiss a girl you need to find out if she is ready to kiss you.

There are a few tests you can use to find out if she is ready to establish a romantic and sexual relationship with you:

1. Look into her eyes and gently stroke her hair or run your fingers through her hair.
2. Hold her hands and gently squeeze them.
3. Brush her arm.

If she responds positively to two of the three then she is ready to be kissed. She does not have to return the favor or participate to show compliance. As long as she does not raise an objection, walk away or discourage touching her, you can safely conclude that she is ready to be kissed.

At this point:

1. Take a step towards her or slowly pull her towards you. 
2. Look into her eyes.
3. Slowly lean forward and gently kiss her on the lips.

It is always better to give her a quick peck first, then go for a longer kiss.

You do not have to pull back and return for the longer kiss. You can stay in the kiss position after the peck and go back for a longer kiss if she does not pull back. Though, you can always pull back and return again for the kiss.

Once in a while the girl may get surprised that you tried to kiss her. She may even pull back at that point. This does not, necessarily, mean that she does not want to get romantically involved with you. Neither does it mean that she does not want to be kissed by you.

It’s just that she was not prepared for the kiss or she did not see it coming. I call it a “shock factor”. Sometimes we do not send strong or clear signals that we desire a sexual/romantic relationship with the girl. Hence the girl is either confused or not expecting a kiss. 

If you do the above three tests, it will reduce the chances of a girl not knowing your intentions. 

If the girl pulls back but does not protest or vocalize her objection to your kiss, then it is a good sign. If she does not walk away and continue to participate in the conversation, then you can assume she was not ready for the kiss earlier. 

Test it again by looking in her eyes, stroking her hair and brushing her arms. If she missed these signals the first time, she surely will notice them this time. 

If she still does not object to any of your touches, you can go in for the kiss again. You will succeed in kissing her this time.

Here are a few extra tips:

• Make sure your breath smells good. Have a piece of gum before you go for the kiss, but make sure to spit it out before you kiss. 
• Don’t freak the girl out by saying “I love you” right after the kiss. It is too soon to say these words. 
• Shave your face if you plan to go for the kiss. You don’t want to scratch her face. 
• Try to kiss her in private and not in front of her friends when you kiss her for the first time. 
• Don’t get upset if she rejects you. Don’t try to convince her or argue with her. 
• You can make things a bit more romantic by holding her hands or hold her on the hips when kissing. 
• Whisper something in her ears and go back for another kiss. Make it a long one this time. She will surely enjoy it.
• Try playing with her hair. Most girls love it.
• Try not to wait for the end of the night or for the goodbye moment to initiate the first kiss. It is too clichéd. 
• Act normal after you kiss her. Make sure not to make things awkward or go into silence, so continue talking. 

(Credits: Image by lastquest)

Want More Sex? Don’t Sleep With Every Body

By Damon Brown

Single people, we have a problem. The assumption is that every nice, attractive person we meet must, eventually, come to our bed, or any built relationship becomes an empty fallacy, a farce, based on the ecstasy that might have been.

Let me put aside the journalism degrees for a second. Real talk: You shouldn’t fuck every attractive person you feel a connection with. 

Why? It’s not for chivalry, as you can be a chivalrous Lothario or Lolita, nor for physical protection, as two (or more) smart adults can have an open relationship and practice safer sex. No, it’s more selfish than that. 

Simply put, you need quality coconspirators in creating a great single life. Create a great single life and your sex quotient will go up dramatically. 

True story: Most of my friends are women. Some I went out with at one time, more I met through my travels and many are interested in the same nerdy, pop cultural goodness that rules my world. As Samantha pointed out earlier this week, “the friend zone” can be a gift and a curse (See: Escaping the “friend” zone). For me, it’s usually been a gift when I consciously created different types of relationships in my life.  

There are three big benefits to having beautiful, platonic relationships with beautiful people. We can call them the 3 Ps: 

• perspective
•  patience
•  persistence

First, perspective. Here’s where the gay, lesbian, bisexual and trysexual among us have the advantage, as you personally know the equipment! For every one else, I’ve heard countless brothers say that the coochie has magical properties, just as women have confided to me that they can’t think rationally post-dick. Hang out will cool, attractive friends - that you AREN’T trying to bed - and you realize that even [insert fantasy sex slave here] is human, flawed and interesting. You’ll be less intimidated the next time you meet someone you really want to sleep with - increasing your chance of actually getting some.

Second, patience. A friend of mine once told me that she would be slower to jump in the sack if she had some way of getting regular human contact, like a hug, a platonic kiss or a hand to hold. Friends can provide you with human touch. It will help you not push too hard on a first date, set appropriate boundaries for lovers and be less desperate to get naked.

Finally, persistence. If you’re like most of us, meet someone new and attractive and your first instinct is to figure out their stats: What’s their orientation, are they available and are you their type. Next time you read from this script, just stop for a moment (go to the bathroom if you have to!) and think about what function this person could have in your life aside from being your love toy. You may suddenly see all these dimensions to this person that go beyond sex. However, chances are high that THEY are checking YOU out, too, which is why it requires discipline and patience to steer the relationship how you like. You may both be surprised where your relationship ends up.

The misconception is that thoughtful romance takes the fun out of hooking up. It is actually the opposite, as you know that you’re not hooking up with someone just because they own a warm body. And when you find someone you REALLY want, the message will be loud and clear.

(Credits: Image by egor.gribanov)

My bad, I left my stuff at your place on “accident!”

By Scherry Momin

A good friend of mine recently received this IM from an ex-girlfriend and I felt pretty compelled to share it with all of our Pickv users.

There is a plethora of fail in this IM.  Girls first of all - NEVER SAY THIS TO YOUR EX.  This is a perfect example of looking desperate and what not to do when leaving things purposely at someone’s house.  In my personal opinion, leaving something at someone’s house on “accident” can be incredibly tacky and is pretty desperate.  But if you MUST do it, here are some tips on how to maximize your chances of 1. Getting the item back and 2. Seeing the person again.   

So the thing about underwear is - if you’re going to purposely leave underwear at someone’s house on “accident,” it better be some good underwear.  The person will probably analyze it.  I mean, I would probably Google the label on the tag to see where the person got it from.  Not everyone is as crazy as me, of course, but we do exist so keep that in mind!    

You will maximize your chances of getting it back, and hence reaching your ultimate goal of seeing the person again, if it seems like it’s actually something somewhat valuable.  It will also make it less obvious that you left it there on purpose. The underwear referred to in this IM was pretty blah, not to mention cheap acetate lace looking.  You also take a huge risk when you leave something of value at another person’s house, so make sure it’s someone who would be nice enough to return it.  If the person has dogs or other pets, make sure you leave it in a location where the animal cannot get a hold of it.  I’m speaking from trauma.  I’m pretty convinced my boyfriend has trained his dog to eat my underwear, not to mention the crotch out of my pants.      

In some cases, you can probably dupe the person into thinking your “accidentally” left item is something of value.  Attaching some sort of sentimental value to the item is usually successful. For example, you could say things like “it was a gift from my dead grandmother”.  The key is, make it seem like the item is more important to you than the actual person whose house you left it at. You need to make the person feel like an asshole for not wanting to return it by expressing how important it is that the item is returned. 

Be strategic about what item you decide to leave.  Make sure it looks irreplaceable, but actually is replaceable.  Unless you’re certain the person would give it back to you.  It is also important to keep in mind that if the person is a true asshole, he/she might try to sell your item.  So don’t leave a Rolex watch.  I also don’t recommend leaving a fake Rolex watch as this could open up channels for embarrassment if the person ever discovers the real value of the watch.         

Also if you’re going to ask for items back from an ex over IM, try to keep it as simple and as retard-free as possible.  If you don’t, it will end up all over the internet, like this one.  It is important to make sure you have a good excuse for needing it back immediately.  The excuse of “I don’t have any time to buy more at this particular moment” makes absolutely no sense.   It’s called ordering on the internet and it probably would have been faster than taking the time to type up a long IM for $3 Walmart underwear.  A better excuse might be something like telling him or her that you are going on a trip, or need the item for an event.  It’s hard to pull that excuse off with underwear.  So if you want to leave underwear, make sure it’s really nice underwear.      

Girls, we’ve all done it.  I’ll even admit that I did leave my very precious Marc Jacobs sunglasses in my date’s car.  Not really on purpose, but kind of.  I was too lazy (and by lazy I mean hungover of course) to walk to his car to get them the morning after.  Whoops.  It was pretty awesome because leaving my sunglasses in his car gave me the opportunity to verbally bitch slap him later for some various unmentionable things.

So both girls and guys, if you really don’t want to see the person again or have to deal with returning left items, you should ask them before they leave if they have all of their belongings. AND, then I would double check the room before you let him or her out of your house.  It’s pretty bad that I have this down to an actual science, but it’s so worth it if you are absolutely repulsed by the person and just made a bad drunk decision. 

Happy dating everyone!

Escaping the “Friend” Zone

By Samantha Scholfield

Falling for a friend is complicated, especially when that friend is a friend who frequently reminds us what a great friend we are to them, and how glad they are that we’re friends. It’s common knowledge that things could get very awkward and even end in social catastrophe if the attempt to nudge that friend from “friends” to “more-than-friends” goes badly — and nobody wants to deal with that. But what if this person is perfect for you and to not pursue them would be doing yourself and your love life an incredible disservice? Here’s how to broach the subject of romance without destroying your friendship in the process. 

Your friend will fall into one of three categories:  

1. They secretly already dig you. 
2. They’ve noticed you, but don’t want to ruin your friendship if it goes badly so they’ve abstained from making a move.
3. They don’t like you “like that”. 

The first two situations are great, and you have a big chance of a successful transfer from “friends” to “more-than-friends.” The last situation is probably not redeemable, but at least you’ll know where they stand and you can move on. The most important thing to remember is to be mature, no matter the outcome. This will save your friendship from imploding under the pressure of awkwardness if things don’t go as planned. 

Your first order of business (no matter which category you think your friend might be in) is to introduce one-on-one time with your friend, to show them how cool it is to spend time alone with you and get them to think of you as more than just “that guy/girl in my group of friends”. The next time your crew hangs out, ask your friend to take a walk and talk through something with them: something that’s bugging you at work, what to get your brother/sister for their birthday, etc. Asking for advice is a perfect cover for getting them alone. Then, segue the conversation into something funny that’s happened to you recently so that you can laugh together. This builds rapport. Don’t flirt with your friend just yet — you want to give them time to adjust their view of you to more-than-a-friend without being forced to make a decision right away.  

Once you’ve had a couple of one-on-one sessions with them, bump things up a notch and invite your friend to something where you “need a date”, and would they “do you a favor by being your plus one?” It’s a lot less intense and beneficial to your slow movement from friend to more by putting them in the position of doing you a favor versus the obvious, I’m-really-into-you dinner invitation. Introduce a little flirting, but don’t go over the top. Your point is to show them how good a time you have together.  

Two or three days after your “date”, email or call them and combine “I had a great time” with “will you be my plus one again so I can try this new bar/coffee-shop/breakfast place I heard about?” You’re still keeping it low-key so that if they don’t like you back, the pressure is reduced. By this point, unless they’re completely clueless, they’ll have figured out your intentions. If they fall into the first two categories (already like you or noticed you but didn’t want to ruin it), they’ll be pleased and will probably flirt like crazy to let you know they’re into your advances. Goal attained. 

If, however, they’re not into you, at this point they’ll let you know they’re not interested. If you respond in a mature manner, there won’t be any negative fall-out and they’ll respect that you aren’t making it awkward and weird for your friendship: “I admit I think you’re great and really hot, but I respect your feelings so consider it dropped. I’d love to keep hanging out as friends — you’re really fun.” Now you know where they stand and you can move on to your hot co-worker.  

Yours in avoiding awkwardness, S

(Credits: Image by: bredgur)

What Women Want

By Magic

Women are not looking for a specific personality in a man and each woman is attracted to different, ever-evolving qualities. Just like women, men go through different phases where the type of woman to whom they are attracted changes. Attraction to body type, hair, personality, features, etc. changes. Many men, including myself, have varying definitions on what is attractive in a woman. One day I may be into a blonde; the next a brunette. I may desire large breasts, long legs, or a curvy shape. On some days there isn‘t a particular preference and every person goes through these natural changes.

Women experience the same evolution. One day she may want a skinny rocker, the next a body builder. She may want a man with a wild side in her twenties and become more attracted to a conservative personality in her thirties.

Do not build your personality based upon what you think is attractive to the opposite sex. You should be yourself, do what makes you feel good, and do what you like. Your looks and personality should be for you and should match what‘s inside you, be infused with what allows you to meet your personal goals –called congruence. Incongruence –the opposite of congruence –is a sign of insecurity and a complete turn off for women. It is guaranteed that there will be many women attracted to your body and personality type. Be comfortable in your skin and the women will follow.

However there are certain traits that spark attraction in women. There are the traits that every Casanova possesses. You do not have to possess all of these traits but try to incorporate as many as you can without completely altering your lifestyle. This will make seduction much easy.

Here is the list of some very important traits that attract women:

• Confidence
• Exceptional grooming
• Humor
• Humility
• Being a challenge
• Creativity
• Boldness
• Thoughtful
• Laid back
• Social
• Positive Attitude

If you could incorporate these traits in your lifestyle and display without being too obvious, you will successfully turn on women’s attraction switches.

(Credits: Image by Niccolò Caranti)