F&$# the “Should”

By Samantha Scholfield 

Our very own brilliant Damon Brown wrote a fantastic post last week  about not being pressured into thinking your sex life should be something, when if it makes you and your partner happy it’s great as is. I’m going to continue on that same theme and argue that the same theory applies to dating. 
There’s so much “should” propaganda out there telling us that our dating lives should be these raging, always exciting, non-stop, somewhat drama-filled roller-coasters of emotion. It comes from ads, movies, celebrities, and closer to home, from our friends, families and occasionally the barista who makes our lattes in the morning. We end up feeling like we “should” be  going out more, sending more emails to hot people in our online dating forays, or making more of an effort to get set up by friends. We feel like we “should” be in a relationship when we’re not or either getting out of one or pushing it to the next level if we’re in one.  And when we start getting into our late twenties and early thirties, the pressure to not only date someone seriously but get married, find the white picket fence and have babies starts coming from our families, and also from random acquaintances at weddings, coffee shops and well-meaning co-workers. The pressure never lets up. 

I say f&$# the pressure. 

If your dating life is making you happy, ignore the gentle but relentless pushing to do whatever it is that friends, family and the big ad agencies think you should be doing. If you’re happy on your own right now, own it. If you’re happy with the 15 dates you aim for each week, rock it. If your plan for no kids/no wedding is right for you, ignore the nay-sayers and follow your dreams. 

The only reason to change it up is if you’re not happy and/or you’re not meeting your personal dating/relationship goals. If this is the case, all you have to do to find that happiness is to make the changes necessary to meet those goals and get where you want to go. Although that’s kind of a “duh” statement, it can be easy to forget how simple it is to make changes for the better. We forget because sometimes it’s easier to keep doing the same thing because it’s familiar, even if we think we might be happier doing something else. Or we rule out the possibility of owning our lives and making changes because we’re scared of the unknown. The courage to make those changes is what makes us strong and grows us as people. Making changes because it’s what YOU want — and not what someone else told you to do — is extremely powerful. 

For example, if you’re in a relationship that’s sucking your soul, get out of it and focus on you for a while. If you’re single and don’t want to be, get yourself involved in classes or with groups of people that enjoy the same things you do (the more co-ed, the better). Then, you’ll be enriching your own life and at the same time, meeting new people you already have something in common with (and if it doesn’t work with them, they all have friends who have friends who are probably awesome). 

In short, f&$# the “should” and focus on doing what’s right for you. Your dating life is YOUR dating life — it should reflect what you want. 

Yours in damning the man, S

(Credits: Image by kevindooley)

It’s Not About The Frequency

By Damon Brown

We’re often pressured to fuck. I don’t mean in a violent, forced way, but in a subtle, societal way. There are the racy print ads and porn star TV shows and whatever, whatever, but the real pressure comes from others and, more importantly, from ourselves. 

Like we touched on a few weeks ago with the Vanilla Is Still Sexy post vanilla-is-still-tasty, your sex life should be reflective of you – of your cycles, your ideas and your body. 

Let’s say you haven’t been laid in a minute, perhaps because you’ve been focusing on other things, perhaps because you just haven’t been horny. The common belief is that there is a) something wrong with you, b) you’re doing something wrong or c) you’re in some form of grieving. The problem with this train of thought is that it assumes that your life isn’t good enough. The assumption is that your life needs to be “fixed”. The question really is, if you are happy with the amount of times you have sex, which may be twice a day or once a year, why do things need to change? 

Your very best sex life is the one that makes you and, ideally, your partner or partners happy. Masturbating once a day is a sex life. Making love with the hubby once a week is a sex life. Making out without intercourse can be a sex life, too. Define your own sex life. 

(Credits: Image by eyesogreen)

The DTR

By Samantha Scholfield

The DTR (“Define the Relationship”): that necessary but nervous-sweat-inducing conversation that every couple must have (besides perhaps an arranged marriage). How many dates must pass before the talk? What’s the best way to do it? What if they’re not feeling the same way and the DTR causes a premature end to your (or their) live-in-the-now happiness? 

When to DTR: This varies from relationship to relationship, so instead of following some arbitrary timeline, do it when it feels right. The DTR should happen when you start feeling ready to take things to the next level. If you’re feeling excited about them and want to see what happens in an exclusive setting, bring it up. 

The other situation in which to DTR is if you’re getting the impression that they’re way more into you than you are into them (and/or feel like maybe they’re thinking exclusivity when you’re not). Put yourself in their shoes and treat them well, even if you think their assumptions about your relationship are out of line. Being honest about where you stand and getting everyone on the same page is huge, especially when feelings get involved.  

How to DTR: Couching the DTR as a serious talk may be mistaken for the break-up speech, so avoid talking about having the DTR before you actually do. If the person you’re with hears “I want to talk about something with you”, they’ll be on the defensive to protect themselves in case what you have to say isn’t good — no one loves getting dumped. Instead, bring it up the next time you’re both happy and comfortable and in a low-key but positive way: “Hey — I like you. I want to see where this will go. How are you feeling about us?” Then, have a conversation and figure out where you both stand. If you’re in the same place, brilliant. If not, talk about it. 

When you want to go from many to one: If you’re currently dating multiple people and would like to be dating just one, hen you mention you’d like to be exclusive with them that one person will pick up on the fact that they were not (up until the DTR) the sole member of your happy-time club. If they subscribe to the popular belief that until the DTR, everything is fair game, they’ll be fine with this. If they don’t, listen and talk it through. Hopefully they’ll see your side. 

A successful DTR requires both grace and tact, and an understanding of the position of the person you’re DTRing. Honesty, respect and communication are golden. No one likes to feel like they’ve been played, or to be in a position where they’re getting hurt or are hurting someone else. Don’t fall prey to wussiness or a douchebaggery: talk about where you stand when you get to the point of moving forward or out.

Yours in happy DTRing, S

How to Please Women in Bed

By Magic

  Women love good sex. In fact most women will stay in a bad relationship if the sex is good but will walk away if sexually unsatisfied. Most men  do not understand sexual needs of women. This is exactly the reason why we have studies which show that a small percent of men end up having sex with the majority of women. To be one of the few men you must learn how to please a women in bed.

Most people do not understand the importance of sex. Sex is the number one driving force for all romantic relationships. If it weren’t for sex we would prefer to stay alone and single. The topic of sex and how to please women needs thousands of pages. Here are three things that will surely help you stand out and have her craving for more sex with you.

1. Rough Sex: Most women enjoy rough sex. Love making and being sensual has its moments as well but nothing compared to rough bone crushing sex. On an average you should have 2 love making sessions for every 10 rough encounters. Rough sex makes women feel like you were losing control. Women see rough sex as a sign of passion for them. Most men are uncomfortable with this idea. Master the art of pleasing a women in bed and women will worship you.
2. Add variety: Many men practice wham bam bye bye mam.  They are boring and unoriginal. Most men usually like to please women in the bedroom night after night for sex. This gets boring soon. Get more creative. Next time have sex in the living room or kitchen sink. Sex outside of bedroom seems more spontaneous. Women enjoy that feeling. Add foreplay, mix it with quickies and occasional fetishes. You now have a satisfying sex life that most women enjoy.
3. Multiple Orgasms: Most men don’t care whether  woman have achieved orgasm or not. I confess to being guilty of this myself. Make sure your woman always gets an orgasm. Try giving her more than one orgasm, if not more. There are lots of resources online that can teach you how to make this possible. Multiple orgasms are the key to pleasing women in the bedroom.

Spend some time watching videos on sex education. Read some books on women’s body. Do not hesitate to communicate with your sex partner to have better sex. These few measures will drastically improve your sex life.

(Credits: Image by joanna8555)

A Guys Guide to Surviving Sex and The City 2 

By Blake Townsley

Howdy, friends, and happy Memorial Day Weekend to all of you. I’m hoping everyone’s getting ready for the official start of summer, and planning on getting out there and safely enjoying yourselves. Unfortunately, I think that too many guys out there are unknowingly headed towards a catastrophic disaster of a weekend, and I want to take some time to warn y’all before it’s too late. 

I’m speaking of course about the Sex and the City 2 movie that opens this weekend. I don’t know how much attention the fellas have been paying, but if my Facebook feed is any indication, this is going to be the highest grossing movie of all time in about four days. I’ve been getting notices for four weeks in the vein of, “OMG, just bought my SATC2 tickets for a night out with the girls. Can’t wait!!!” That way lies damnation, gents.  

Like most of you with the Y chromosome, I am utterly baffled by the excitement surrounding this movie. The critical reviews are nearly universal in panning everything about it, and with what seems like good reason. To me it looks like a cross between Ishtar and a drag show produced by the mentally infirm, with a plot written by an English class of gay racist tweens. As near as I can tell, however, Sex and the City has two things going for it as a franchise, shoe porn and female bonding. Those are some powerful forces at work. That means the ladies are going to see it, and you’re probably going to be forced to talk about it, or hear about it in the near future. In order to help you survive this ordeal, I’m going to provide the greatest public service I possibly can, The Guy’s Guide to Surviving SATC2, in easy to read question-and-answer format. As always, all questions and answers are totally made up.  

Q: Blake, I’ve never heard of Sex and the City. What is it?

A: It used to be an HBO show about four women living in New York City, and their relationship travails. The four women can be loosely categorized as the romantic, the workaholic, the sexually voracious one, and the one who wore a flowerpot on her head to the premiere of the first movie. 

Q: It sounds…weird.

A: It sorta was, but it didn’t really start out as horrendously as its current incarnation. The show used to be somewhat entertaining, and sometimes you’d get to see some boob. Or the chick from Mannequin proving how flexible she was.

Q: So why does this girl I’m interested in want to see the movie so much if it’s as terrible as it sounds?

A: It’s kind of like a high school reunion. It sounds like a good idea at the time. You’ll get to see old friends, and reminisce about what things were like in the good old days. Also, as I mentioned above, ladies love shoe porn and stories about tightly-knit friendships amongst women who will always love each other. 

Q: Wow! Both of those things sound hot, but what is shoe porn exactly?

A: Neither is exciting as it sounds. Shoe porn, much like real porn, is the gratuitous display of ridiculous things you would never do in real life. In the case of SATC2, this involves ridiculous shoes that cost more than a monthly mortgage payment, and $20,000 dresses. It’s basically a shopping fantasy. 

Q: BORING!

A: I’m with you on that one, pal. Believe me. 

Q: So what if this girl I’m dating asks me to go see the movie with her?

A: Make up any excuse you can think of to get out of it, my friend. Tell her you’d rather she share that experience with her girlfriends. Tell her you’d rather have a Memorial Day barbecue. Tell her you’ve suddenly become really interested in watching the Stanley Cup Finals, and can’t make it. Tell her your dog drove your parents off a cliff, Toonces-style, and you have to preside over three funerals this weekend. Basically, tell her anything you can to get out of it. 

Q: What if she says she really wants me to go see it with her, and she’ll have sex with me afterwards?

A: Ouch, that’s a real Sophie’s Choice right there. I mean, you’d think the no-brainer choice would be sex, right? WRONG! I’m telling you right now there is no way you’ll feel like having sex after having gouged your eyes out with the popcorn bucket.

Q: I’m scared, Blake.

A: Me too, buddy. Me too.  

Q: So what should I do?

A: The best thing you can do, fight fire with fire. If this is a girl you’re serious about, tell her the truth, that you’re not really interested in seeing the movie, but you will anyway because you like her. And then make plans to see a movie of your choice later in the year. I’m recommending the A-Team. If she likes you, she’ll appreciate that you’re thinking about your future together. If she doesn’t, she’ll probably dump you right then, and then you won’t have to go see the movie. Everybody wins!

Until next week, kids, take care!

(Credits: Image by lorenzinhos)

Other People Can Screw Up Your Sex Life

By Damon Brown

Our Samantha Scholfield did a great post on Facebook Flirting 101

facebook-flirting-101 and it made me think of the reasons why we do some things publicly and other things privately. Why post on someone’s wall or respond to his or her Twitter versus sending them a private email or text? It depends on what we want from the person – and what we want from other people, too. Not being real about this can screw up your sex life, or lack there of.

Think about the many reasons why we would have sex with someone: 

*You are attracted to them

*They are nice to you

*You don’t want the night to end

It’s cool because it actually has to do with your potential partner. Now think about the many reasons why we would have sex that has nothing to do with our lover: 

*You want to get over an ex

*You want someone else to get jealous

*You want bragging rights tomorrow, so you have to seal the deal

Most of us have a story about angry sex or awkward sex or whatever, but even in those situations sex is best when all people involved are honest about why they are doing it. The problems happen when it eventually comes out why you were doing it in the first place – and the person getting hurt the most could be you.

(Credits: Image by: Ted Percival)

World Peace, Part 3

By Jackie Summers

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything~~Friedrich Nietzsche

If this is true, women are the ultimate weapon. We shouldn’t be bombing the fuck out of our enemies, we should be fucking the bomb out of them. Strategy dictates the best way to defeat an adversary is to make them a friend; can you think of a better way to accomplish this? Male hyper-aggressive tendencies come from an excess of testosterone, so if you want us to stop fighting, fuck us.

And then make us a sandwich, please.

Let’s do a quick summary. In World Peace part 1, we established that great sex reinforces love. In World Peace part 2, men were admonished to make a woman feel safe and beautiful, and provide constant mental stimulation, to make the bedroom boil. Ladies, today it’s your turn. Contrary to what you’ve been told, showing up naked is insufficient. Put down your Cosmo and pick up your notepads, because today we’re going to address how women can contribute to world peace.

Speak up
Not long ago, a good female friend confided in me that she was disappointed in her new lover’s sexual performance. When I asked how he responded to her dismay, she confessed she’d said nothing, out of fear of hurting his feelings. I asked her frankly what was more important: protecting his fragile ego, or her sexual satisfaction?

When I was still a teenager, I was fortunate enough to have a lover inform me in no uncertain terms, how utterly pathetic I was in bed. This may have been the greatest act of kindness any woman has ever done for me. I swore a silent oath to myself to become a lover ‘ne plus ultra;’from that day forward, even if I was with a woman only once, I wanted to be a smile on her face when she was old and grey that her grandchildren wouldn’t understand. With my ego utterly destroyed, I was free to learn about myself, and about a woman’s body; I became versed in all manner of ancient Tantric technique. However, the most important lesson she taught me was this: it is the responsibility of the individual to inform (and if necessary, instruct) their partner the in best ways to please them.

How to broach the subject of unsatisfactory sexual performance is a matter of delicacy and diplomacy. When dealing with egos, I highly recommend the ‘Red Ball Maneuver.’ Visualize whatever issues you need to discuss with your partner, and form them into a small, red rubber ball that fits into the palm of your hand. Now, imagine yourself throwing it as hard as you can at his face. The reaction you’re likely to receive is anger, defensiveness, retaliation, and a fractured ego. Now take that same red ball, smile, say ‘here, catch,’ and gently toss it in your partner’s direction. Words tend to be received in the spirit they are given. Compliments are important but, honesty is more important. Men can’t hear what you don’t say.

Cultivate tension
Relationships are a constant cycle of conflict and resolution. As counter-intuitive as this might sound, it’s necessary, as without a level of tension there can be no release. This may be the trickiest aspect a woman can master in her quest to become a masterful lover, as you need to know how to create tension without becoming contentious.

It’s a common fallacy to believe that men want docile women, but nothing could be further from the truth. Here is where the myth that men love bitches is born, in that the woman who challenges you also presents you with the opportunity to assert yourself. Conversely, the mystique of the bad boy; there is something innately seductive about the person who manages to ignore your obvious charms. We want to overcome, and be overcome by, that which resists us.

Unfortunately, too many people of both genders end up in unhealthy situations, mistakenly buying into the misconception that strife equals excitement. It is possible to create healthy cycles of tension based on heightened and prolonged states of arousal. Ladies, by all means be loving, be kind, be compassionate; you’re the softer side of us. But never underestimate the power of discreet, utter inappropriateness. Combine your high sex drive with low inhibitions, and be his fantasy; become his porn. Forever emblazoned in memory is the girlfriend who once, with the sweetness of an angel, asked me if we could forego a night of lovemaking, and asked instead if I could ‘just fuck her, really hard.’

Let a man be a man
Once long ago, men were warriors. We hunted, we provided; in a world where humans lacked claws, fangs or even fur, through sheer force of will we became the dominant species on the planet. Thousands of years of animal instincts remain, despite an absolute dearth of appropriate opportunities to engage them.

Our survival still depends on the ability to channel aggression, but we’ve been pacified, emasculated. We’re asked to be kinder, gentler, softer; in modern society all manner of outright aggression is frowned upon. Add to this long overdue opportunities for gender equality in education and subsequently, occupation. Today’s women are stronger, smarter, and more gainfully employed than any generation in history. Frequently women out-earn their parters, and men are no longer needed as providers.

Speaking in behalf of Alpha Males everywhere, we’re okay with this, honestly. A true Alpha in no way feels threatened by a woman who is his equal or better; in fact it’s quite the opposite. Few things are more arousing than being desired by somebody who doesn’t need you. Power remains the greatest aphrodisiac, and nothing is sexier than a woman who is secure enough in her sensuality, to acquiesce. Today’s powerful woman has the opportunity to privately reclaim the femininity she sheds of necessity in public life, behind closed doors. The boudoir thus becomes the final bastion for bestial behavior.

Let’s be perfectly clear about this: in no way am I endorsing the subjugation of any woman on any level, anywhere, ever. Any man who forces himself upon a woman without her consent has forfeit his right to live. Therein lies the crux: the person with the power to grant or rescind permission is, ultimately, in control. Ladies, you always have final authority sexually. We require your permission, stated or tacit, to be savages. There’s power in surrender, and the woman who can toss her hair back, cast a knowing look over her shoulder, and whisper ‘take me,’ is in for the kind of ravaging suitable from a modern man reclaiming his forsaken right to masculinity.

If we all put that amount of energy into becoming better lovers, would there be any time or reason left for war?

World Peace, Part 2

By Jackie Summers

The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, …is ‘What does a woman want?~~Sigmund Freud

For starters, how about being loved for who they are, accepted for who they are not, and mind-bending, body wrenching, soul-searching sex?

And shoes. Fabulous shoes.

It can’t be that simple, can it?

Of course not. The complexities of male-female relationships are, and will remain, one of the great unsolved mysteries of the universe, in no small part because we have great difficulty differentiating between needs, and wants. In World Peace part 1, we established that great sex isn’t just a want; it’s a need. Relationships need great sex like fire needs oxygen. Great sex reinforces love.

Let’s face it, if you knew for a fact that at the end of every day you were coming home to some good loving, the majority of life’s minor annoyances, would simply cease to be.

Part of the problem with great sex is, in the words of the immortal Rob Base (yes, I’m dating myself), “it takes two to make it outta sight.” Frankly, many men just aren’t living up to their end of the arrangement. Lousy lovers abound; men who are sexually selfish, unwilling or unable to bring their partners to ecstasy.

Guys, you’re screwing with our chance at world peace.

If that isn’t reason enough to become an amazing lover, go reread the Five for Five rule. Simply stated, it redefines the law of reciprocity as it relates to women: anything you give a woman, she will return to you, five-fold. Given that equation, if you give a woman five orgasms, you can only imagine how she is going to return the favor.

With the amount of information available, there’s just no excuse for premature ejaculation, low sex drive or lack of sexual proficiency. If anyone is interested in things like how to have harder, stronger erections, how to increase your stamina, how to postpone orgasm indefinitely, how to differentiate between orgasm and ejaculation, how to become multi-orgasmic, feel free to listen here. For the sake of our argument I’m not going to focus on technique, because paying attentionto your partner (Jack’s oft repeated Dating Rule #7) by far outweighs mastering some acrobatic position you saw in the Kama Sutra.

Technique can be learned by anyone; you can’t teach enthusiasm, or passion.

With that established, let’s talk about things every man can do to improve his performance in the bedroom.

Make her feel safe.
Those four words sum up all the white noise I’ve heard said about what it takes to be an ‘alpha male.’ Ten thousand years ago, the alpha was the guy who could fend off predators, provide shelter, and sustenance. That guy got to drag cavewomen by the hair back to his grotto, and propagate the species. Today it’s a bit more complex; modern women might not need you to furnish life’s necessities. On a primal, elemental level, she still needs to feel physically and emotionally safe in order to become aroused. If a woman has difficulty trusting her partner, she may not feel comfortable enough to surrender to the utter loss of control that is orgasm. It’s only in the depths of security that a woman can truly be vulnerable, and the dangers of passion can be explored and enjoyed.

Make her feel beautiful.
In the same way our prehistoric patriarchs were required to be alphas in order to secure a mate, mesolithic matriarchs were selected based on their beauty. There’s nothing superficial about it; on a subconscious level, we see an attractive woman and think of her as a good genetic match, worthy of passing our seed onto and bearing our progeny. The cruel and unfortunate part of this equation is: beauty fades. Women battle not only the unreasonable demands placed on them by society, the media, and Photoshop, but time. As a man, it’s your job to make your woman feelbeautiful. Every woman has something unique about her; a strategically placed mole, the twist of her smile, an inner light. The woman that feels beautiful in your presence is free from her own self-consciousness, and so free to abandon her inhibitions.

Foreplay, all day.
The (at least) fifteen minutes you spend before intercourse isn’t really foreplay. Foreplay is the flirty text message she received during her morning meeting. It’s the thirty second mid-afternoon phone call describing in explicit detail what you intend to do to her when she gets home. Foreplay is asking how her day was, and actually listening when she tells you. If you’re married, foreplay might mean doing the dishes so she can put the kids to bed. Foreplay is everything you do all day to keep her panties soaking wet, so the physical expression is merely the culmination of what you made sure was going through her head all day. The most erotic things happen in the mind first; mental stimulation, given time to marinate, will manifest physically.

I know this sounds like a lot guys, but all I am saying is: give peace a chance.

Ladies, what you can to do contribute to world peace will be covered in part 3.

Traits Of A Real Man!

By Magic

When I started learning how to attract women for myself, I used to focus on “techniques” and “tricks”.

As I started to learn more, I began to realize that “Inner Game” was actually more important than my “Outer Game”.

I know you have heard me say this many times.

The woman who trained me said something and INSTANTLY I had a BIG “Ah Ha!” moment.

It led me to unlock the BIGGEST mysteries of all time. This information gave me the EDGE to attract women. I started approaching this in new light. I started working on transforming into a guy who “NATURALLY” attracts women.

I now believe FIRMLY that women can sense INSTANTLY whether you have your “Inner Game” together. There are lots of small body language and tonality cues that women read. These cues tell them how much of a “Real Man” you are.

And I believe that most women are FAR more attracted to men who seem “masculine” than

they are to men who seem like “wussies”.

Don’t believe me? 

Go out right now and stop the first woman you see. Ask her if she would prefer dating men who appear “masculine” or otherwise.

Now you don’t need to go out and transform into Arnold Schwarzenegger. In fact many women do not find body builders to be attractive or masculine.

I know now I sound like I had too much LSD but no I am not hallucinating. Let me explain to you…

When women say they like masculine or strong men they are referring to PERSONALITY TRAITS as opposed to physical. 

The way you make eye contact, the way you touch women, how soon you get sexual, your tonality and body language while speaking reveal how CONFIDENT and STRONG you are within.

A confident and a strong man makes EXTENDED EYE CONTACT with women. 

He TOUCHES women upon meeting them. He continues to touch because he finds beautiful women IRRESISTIBLE. 

He is not afraid to GET SEXUAL. 

He uses OPEN BODY LANGUAGE.

Next time you meet women apply these basic principles. You will INSTANTLY come across as a “STRONG-MASCULINE” guy. 

Women will then CRAVE for your attention and ENJOY your company. They will FLIRT back.

Sometimes a woman will test you by playing hard to get or try to be more aggressive. 

Look straight into her eyes and let her know that you are the MAN in this interaction. Don’t fall for her act. Don’t be afraid to seduce and get sexual because she is not showing enough interest. 

Real men enjoy company of beautiful women. They do everything in their power to win a woman they find attractive.

This is the mark of a “REAL MAN” and this is what every woman SECRETLY desires in her mate.

Enjoy, and I’ll talk to you again soon. 

Your Friend, 

Magic.

(Credits: Image by Mark Sadowski)

Play Dumb To Be a Good Lover

By Damon Brown

Few things push my hot button more than the following phrase:

“I’m good in bed.” 

What exactly does that mean? You already know what turns me on? GTFOH. You already lost in my book. The statement is as blanket and as inaccurate as a Cosmo headline, like “69 Things That Will Drive Him Wild In Bed”. Maybe your lover doesn’t want ice rubbed on his ass or to lick whipped cream out your ear.

Seriously, the truth is that each and every person you encounter is different. I’ve had lovers, friends and colleagues who go crazy when a man takes them from behind, others who prefer to be in control on top, and many – and I mean, many – permutations in between. All the people you know could be classified into brunette, blonde and redhead, or tall, medium and short, and so on, and it would give only so much insight before you actually hopped in the sack.

A good lover assumes he or she knows nothing about the partner. The lover will listen to the partner’s hints during conversations, watch how the partner reacts to certain things in bed, and let’s the partner guide as appropriate. 

It’s OK to use your general knowledge, especially if you already know the plumbing, but assuming you know what someone wants and needs in bed before you sleep with them is unsexy as hell – and a recipe for disaster for both your ego and your partner’s fulfillment.

Credits: Image by susan402