Friends First

By Samantha Scholfield

When trying to figure out if those you meet online, in person and at Jimmy’s rager of a party last weekend are long-term relationship compatible, one question that I think gets overlooked in the “Definitely” vs. “Not sure” debate is whether or not you would be friends with this person if you took away the sexual component of your relationship. 

Do they make you laugh? Do they get you? Do you have a good time with them? Are you comfortable around them?Can you talk to them?Do they have your back?

Don’t get me wrong: sexual chemistry is extremely important in a relationship and is something deserving of major consideration when determining compatibility and, if things go well, exclusivity. But having someone to hang with that you dig as a person as well as wanting to rip their clothes off? That’s awesome. 

When in the dating game, we’re often faced with so many different packages of personality, looks, likes/dislikes, sense of humor, dreams/goals and hobbies, that it becomes overwhelming. It’s such a challenge to sort through and figure out who, if any, of the people we’re currently dating, hoping to date or looking for are right for us. As a result, we look to sexual chemistry to guide us because it’s easy. You KNOW when you think someone is attractive. It doesn’t require deep, introspective thought. However, great chemistry can be overwhelming, hard to see through and blind us to anything but sex. Plus, finding the perfect person(s) for each one of us is a challenge, and it’s incredibly enriching and a helpful to date people who are not entirely right for us so that we can better figure out what is right for us. We learn a tremendous amount about ourselves and how to navigate a relationship each time we have one. 

However, letting our decisions about relationships be guided solely by great chemistry can make it difficult to see the whole picture and, more often than not, if we chase only the sex and don’t think about whether or not the person in question is fun to hang with when we’re not having sex with them, making it long-term can be challenging. My point is that when we’re over being involved in things that don’t work out and we’re serious about searching for our next big relationship, it’s worth it to take a minute and figure out whether or not this person has potential as both a friend and as someone who frequently pushes our sexual chemistry buttons.

Yours in BFFs (with benefits), S

Credits: Image by  pedrosimoes7

MACGRUBER!

By Blake Townsley

Howdy folks, and welcome to the Friday pop culture roundup. This week, I’m here to talk about my favorite movie of 2010. Or at least, I’m assuming it will be once I actually see it. You see, I’ve totally bought in to the MacGruber hype. For the first time in my life, I believe everything being said by people who are handsomely rewarded when the movie does well: writers, producers, actors, and Jimmy Fallon. I read the marketing blurbs and I totally abandon my normal, overly critical take on marketing blurbs. Roger Ebert vaguely complains on Twitter that critics aren’t being allowed to see the movie until the night before it releases, and I don’t stop to wonder why. 

Until I recently stopped to wonder why.  

I was having lunch with a friend earlier this week, one with whom I’ve seen possibly hundreds of movies with in the past six years. I excitedly asked her if she wanted to see MacGruber with me this weekend, expecting her enthusiasm to not quite match mine, but to exist in detectable amounts.  

“Nope, not interested.”

Umm, what? This was the woman who forced me to pay to see Saw, the most laughably-acted movie of the decade, infamous for being the film that caused us to enact a movie-going quid pro quo. The deal allows each of us to pick one or two movies a year that the other one has to go see, no questions asked. That’s how I ended up seeing It’s Complicated in the theater, and she ended up seeing A Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. 

So in that moment at lunch, I thought about cashing in my first Saw card of 2010. But before I did, I got mad that she wasn’t into seeing it. I mean, it looks hilarious right?

“I don’t know, it’s a Saturday Night Live movie. It doesn’t look funny. At all.”

I gotta tell you, it really took the wind out of my sails. I mean, sure, MacGruber wasn’t the most intellectual sketch of all-time, but neither was Wayne’s World. I don’t know how popular it really is among the masses, but the fake theme song (MACGRUBER!!!) and writing always made me laugh, especially when they brought in the inspiration, Richard Dean Anderson, to play MacGruber’s dad on an episode of Saturday Night Live earlier this season. 

But a couple things have started to make me nervous. First, the dreaded tag of “Saturday Night Live Movie.” For every Wayne’s World or Blues Brothers, there’s ten movies like Superstar, Blues Brothers 2000, A Night At The Roxbury, The Ladies’ Man, etc. The good people over at SNL aren’t knocking ‘em out of the ballpark. Secondly, the fact that professional reviewers haven’t exactly been granted full access to the movie ahead of time scares me just a bit. It reeks just a tiny bit of desperation for a big opening weekend before anyone finds out how bad the movie really is. It’s one thing to hear that Roger Ebert likes the movie, quite another to find out that some random blogger on the Internet was amused by it. I know for a fact those guys and gals are mostly unreliable consumers of pop culture with weird, nerdy taste in movies, music and tv shows. 

So what’s the plan here, you ask? Like Winston Churchill would have wanted, I’m going to press ahead despite my uncertainty. I may be going alone to the theater, but that just means I get to tell all my friends about what an awesome movie they’ve missed. And it means I get to use the first Saw card of the year on Tron: Legacy. 

Until next week, y’all, have a great weekend!

(Credits: Image by Focal Intent)

Escaping the “Friend” Zone

By Samantha Scholfield

Falling for a friend is complicated, especially when that friend is a friend who frequently reminds us what a great friend we are to them, and how glad they are that we’re friends. It’s common knowledge that things could get very awkward and even end in social catastrophe if the attempt to nudge that friend from “friends” to “more-than-friends” goes badly — and nobody wants to deal with that. But what if this person is perfect for you and to not pursue them would be doing yourself and your love life an incredible disservice? Here’s how to broach the subject of romance without destroying your friendship in the process. 

Your friend will fall into one of three categories:  

1. They secretly already dig you. 
2. They’ve noticed you, but don’t want to ruin your friendship if it goes badly so they’ve abstained from making a move.
3. They don’t like you “like that”. 

The first two situations are great, and you have a big chance of a successful transfer from “friends” to “more-than-friends.” The last situation is probably not redeemable, but at least you’ll know where they stand and you can move on. The most important thing to remember is to be mature, no matter the outcome. This will save your friendship from imploding under the pressure of awkwardness if things don’t go as planned. 

Your first order of business (no matter which category you think your friend might be in) is to introduce one-on-one time with your friend, to show them how cool it is to spend time alone with you and get them to think of you as more than just “that guy/girl in my group of friends”. The next time your crew hangs out, ask your friend to take a walk and talk through something with them: something that’s bugging you at work, what to get your brother/sister for their birthday, etc. Asking for advice is a perfect cover for getting them alone. Then, segue the conversation into something funny that’s happened to you recently so that you can laugh together. This builds rapport. Don’t flirt with your friend just yet — you want to give them time to adjust their view of you to more-than-a-friend without being forced to make a decision right away.  

Once you’ve had a couple of one-on-one sessions with them, bump things up a notch and invite your friend to something where you “need a date”, and would they “do you a favor by being your plus one?” It’s a lot less intense and beneficial to your slow movement from friend to more by putting them in the position of doing you a favor versus the obvious, I’m-really-into-you dinner invitation. Introduce a little flirting, but don’t go over the top. Your point is to show them how good a time you have together.  

Two or three days after your “date”, email or call them and combine “I had a great time” with “will you be my plus one again so I can try this new bar/coffee-shop/breakfast place I heard about?” You’re still keeping it low-key so that if they don’t like you back, the pressure is reduced. By this point, unless they’re completely clueless, they’ll have figured out your intentions. If they fall into the first two categories (already like you or noticed you but didn’t want to ruin it), they’ll be pleased and will probably flirt like crazy to let you know they’re into your advances. Goal attained. 

If, however, they’re not into you, at this point they’ll let you know they’re not interested. If you respond in a mature manner, there won’t be any negative fall-out and they’ll respect that you aren’t making it awkward and weird for your friendship: “I admit I think you’re great and really hot, but I respect your feelings so consider it dropped. I’d love to keep hanging out as friends — you’re really fun.” Now you know where they stand and you can move on to your hot co-worker.  

Yours in avoiding awkwardness, S

(Credits: Image by: bredgur)