The Perfect First Date Follow-Up

By Samantha Scholfield

You’ve had the first date, and it rocked. Maybe hands were held, maybe there was a kiss, maybe there was even sex — it doesn’t matter. Bottom line, it was great and you want to see this person again.

How do you go about creating the perfect follow-up so that you: 

1. Maintain the awesome, totally chill but fun persona you had going on the first date (to prove that it wasn’t a fluke)?
2. Don’t seem too desperate (because looking desperate supersedes any points you got on the rockin’ first date)?
3. Make it clear you like them (because nobody likes to be kept in the dark with mixed signals), while hiding the fact that you’re REALLY into this person and you’ve already thought about your future together (something to keep hidden so that you don’t freak them out)?

There are many differing opinions about how long you should wait to call a person after you’ve had the first date, varying from the no-games/heart-on-sleeve ASAP to making them wait a week. Like Goldilocks, I’m a fan of the middle option - 2 to 3 days. As in, if you went out on Saturday, Tuesday mid-morning is a perfect follow-up time.  

What form should this follow-up take? Again - the opinions range from 64 long stem roses delivered to the office with a note professing your love to maybe sending an email or a text a week after the fact. I’m a big proponent of the voicemail — not just any voicemail — but a carefully crafted, short and sweet message conveying your hip lifestyle, endearment through sassiness and most importantly, a reason that you require their company as a certain time. 

Here’s the three-step breakdown: 

1) The ideal follow-up voicemail mentions what a good time you had (so as to indicate your interest and appreciation of the good time you had, but tempered to keep your total excitement under control about your future life together — there’s time for that on date three and beyond:  “Hey! It’s [your name here]. I had a great time with you on Saturday.” 

2) Then, you mention an event that you must attend, real or created for the sole purpose of the voicemail (a friend’s birthday party, your cousin’s art gallery opening for which you require a co-pilot, or a concert you have two tickets to but your friend just bailed and you need a date) — “So, I need a date for this thing on Thursday night….Do you want to be my plus one for the evening?” 

3) Wrap it up with a short and sweet ending: “Call me back. [your number here].”

You have a reason to be calling them besides confessing your undying love after spending such an amazing evening with them (always good), you’ve suggested the next potential activity, which saves both of you the awkward should-we-do-coffee-or-hiking conversation, and the fact that you were going to be going anyway and you’re inviting them along because you need a date (or need to give away a concert ticket), conveys with no uncertainty your lack of desperation. You’re clearly social, fun and busy — all good things.

If they happen to pick up the phone instead of you being able to leave your voicemail, the same rules apply - keep it short and sweet, pass along the invitation and have a reason to be getting off the phone: “I’m at work so I can’t talk long, but wanted to call and see if you were available for xyz on Friday - I need a date.”

Yours in second date bliss, S

(Credits:Image by Obie Fernandez)

Why I Love First Dates

By Samantha Scholfield 

I’ve heard the first dates equated to a job interview, described as “I’d rather be getting a root canal” and, in the opposite camp, looked forward to with the excitement of a six-year old waiting for Chrisma-Hanukkah. As a member of this latter camp, my goal is to shed some light on how first dates can be awesome instead of soul-sucking.

First off, what is it about first dates that’s so dreaded? Most would agree that fear of rejection is pretty high on that list, as well as the not-knowing-what-to-say awkwardness that accompanies most first dates like frosting on a cupcake. 

Fear of rejection is pretty standard fare for any sort of situation where you’re (potentially or definitely) interested in someone else. The key to getting around this is to not have expectations about the date. Understand that I’m not advocating lowering your standards, I’m talking about not expecting anything to come of the date. If you don’t really care what happens, rejection won’t matter. Maybe they’ll even do it in a way that’s ridiculous and you’ll have an even better story to tell your friends later. Case and point: 

I met this guy online. His picture was decent and he wrote me a witty email asking me to coffee, so I went. I arrived shortly before he did and was in the middle of ordering my tea when my date walked in, gave me a once over, said “Sorry - you’re not hot enough,” turned around and left. I turned back to the guy handling my order for corroboration that that had indeed just happened. He stared at me for a minute and then said  “I think you’re hot enough.” Weird? Yes. Good story? Most definitely. 

As for the long awkward silences, you’ve already solved that problem by being on Pickv. When you’re matched based on interests, your first date ice-breaker is built in. You already have something to talk about and something that in all likelihood will get you through at least the first thirty minutes of the date. Bands, movies and books are things that we can talk about for hours, and when you already know the person you’re talking to has similar interests, it creates an instant bond that you can draw upon to make that first date comfortable. 

I love the possibility of the date going bad as much as I love the possibility of the date going well and leading to a second date. Either way, I’ve had a good night - either with a great story to share with my friends or because I’ve just met someone I’m excited about. There are lots of weird people out there to look forward to having a weird, awkward date with, and there are lots of rad people with whom you can have an amazing time. Enjoy the process of dating and hopefully you’ll find yourself looking forward to first dates instead of dreading them. 

Until next time, yours in love and relationships, S.

(Credits: Image by John Fraissinet)