Should a Woman Ask a Man Out?

By Jackie Summers

Legend has it that Cleopatra introduced herself to Julius Caesar by having herself rolled up into a carpet that was then unfurled at the Roman emperor’s feet. Her bold antics brought the gala affair to a screeching halt; when she arose scantily clothed before this young ruler he was thoroughly unstrung. The most powerful man on earth was instantly smitten.

While technically this might not count as ‘asking a man out,’ it serves to illustrate a point in dramatic fashion: secure, powerful men appreciate audacious women. Power is the greatest aphrodisiac, and the woman who understands how to combine her tenacity without sacrificing her femininity will wrap men around her dainty little fingers.

An old axiom states that men chase women until women catch them. The implication is that women are always the ones in control, and I concur. By assuming the passive role, women have maintained power of consent, and the person who can say ‘yes or no’ is ultimately the one in control. While this does have the advantage of not having to face rejection, it is innately self-limiting: you can only grant (or rescind) consent to someone who approaches you. Taking matters into your own hands exposes you to the potential for rejection but it also expands your choices exponentially. Instead of sitting around waiting to be approached, you take personal responsibility for the men you invite into your world.If asking a man out is just too direct for your tastes, one can learn how to ‘seed the clouds.’ Pitch him a softball so juicy and tempting that he can’t help but swing at it. At least then it will seem to him like he has taken the initiative and retained the illusion of control.A large part of the mythos behind the misconception that women should never ask men out is based on male insecurity–real and perceived.

The dynamic of power will shift many times over the course of a relationship, as gender roles continually redefine themselves in this modern age. Female aggression will absolutely intimidate an unsure man, so use your power judiciously. If a man tends towards timidity, being approached by a woman might make him feel effeminate, thus disqualifying him for anything useful. I’m wont to believe the more secure a man is in himself, the more he will crave an equal, not a subordinate. True alpha males appreciate a woman with (metaphysical) balls.

Notes

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