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By Damon Brown
Earlier this year I had a long interview with Robert Greene, author of the awesome books The 48 Laws of Power, The Art Of Seduction and The 50th Law. The whole interview is here http://bit.ly/5PPEPl, but this is one of my favorite excerpts:
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One of the things I say in The Art Of Seduction is that many people want to separate emotions and sexuality from the mind, thinking that putting thought into things will take the romance out. But that’s bullshit! If you put more of your mind into it, it actually makes things better – and you can make smart decisions.
As a first law, if you’re young, don’t get married until you’re ready. You have a Kobe Bryant or a Tiger Woods who is getting married because they want children, but they don’t think about how they want to explore their youth. They want everything. A lot of people get married too early or for the wrong reasons.
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Robert is focusing on marriage, but he’s really talking about honesty. And he’s not just talking about honesty with others, but honesty with yourself.
Sometimes we want to swing from chandeliers and hit kinky Eyes Wide Shut parties, and other times we want to walk on the beach and read poetry to someone (or someones). It’s OK to want all of it. Just be honest about it. The complications come when we allow social conventions to dictate our lives:
- We have to be straight or gay.
- We have to decide on monogamy or it isn’t a real, committed relationship.
- We have to want kids or, obviously, there’s something wrong.
- We have to be sexually active.
- We have to be married by age 30.
Dating can already be a pressure-filled test: Meet a person for the first time, share your hopes, your dreams and your sexual fantasies, and hope he or she longs (or lusts!) for the same stuff. It’s scary, which is why we’re told to ease into dating – don’t bring out the crazy too early! – and slowly get to know one another. The question is when the best foot forward self ends and when the real you makes an appearance. It’s much easier to stay behind the mask, which cheats both you and your partner: You don’t get to be yourself and your partner doesn’t get a chance to see you in all your beautiful, flawed glory.
What if your date also wants to have sex on the Eiffel Tower, have a romantic sleepover in pjs or, perhaps the most controversial, have a vanilla, wholesome existence? You may never know if you’re not real with them.
Have you ever tried being super honest on a first date? How did it turn out?
(Credits: Image by Emilio Labrador)
